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You say we guys are supposed to pursue the girls. But that’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m not so much afraid of rejection, but I’m worried about breaking her heart if I change my mind. Second, the guys I see pursuing girls seem to be “players” who treat girls simply like trophies. I don’t want to be grouped with them. Third, I’ve been told to be goal-focused instead of girl-focused. Isn’t pursuing a girl an admission that I’m needy, or maybe that I’m not finding God to be enough for me?
I am SO glad you asked! And I’m doubly glad to hear from a DYSC guy! Thanks.
The best way to answer your questions is to go directly to the bottom line, and then back up and apply it.
The bottom line is that you are to pursue a girl because God wants you to.
Let’s talk first about the risk of pain. This can happen to you, to her, or I suppose to both of you. You might be rejected right out of the chute. Or you two might get nicely involved, when randomly something comes into the picture you hadn’t seen before and all of a sudden everything is different.
This can happen, actually, on the way up the aisle. Or anytime before that. And you’re right, it can be devastating.
But nowhere in the Bible can I find God telling us to avoid pain. On the contrary, the scriptures are filled not only with the promise of pain, but also with the promise of great benefits that only come through suffering.
Of course it’s absolutely important not to hurt a girl through selfishness or carelessness. This is one reason to keep God at the very center of your relationship. It’s also a powerful reason to rein in your physical interactions during courtship.
What you should focus on instead is talk and activities that point each other to God. And you can make it a definite priority to honor and appreciate each other’s masculine or feminine nature and roles. That way, if a breakup occurs, a lot has been gained.
Your second concern, having your pursuit be misinterpreted, may indeed be a challenge in today’s world. But that’s really not a good reason to avoid girls. After all, you can’t let the Enemy do away with holy relationships just because there are perversions like “players" and "trophies.”
That’s part of godly masculinity, you know. Fighting dragons.
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