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I’m still not quite sure how to find and
pursue a godly girl. I have a lot of close female Christian
friends, but I usually end up in a big brother role. How can I
get past that?
You know, it’s really tough. When pretty much everything
is being done wrong nowadays, someone who tries to send the right
signals is likely to run into either misinterpretation or else no
reception at all.
However, I want to encourage all of you to
hang in there. You have two important things going for you, at
least from my perspective. First, as you work to overcome your
fallen nature by getting to know God better and by consistently obeying
His instructions, He is able to make you more attractive, more secure,
and more lovable in the process!
Number two, as you gain a
clearer understanding of what God intends masculinity and femininity to
be (and as you increase in whichever one applies to you), you’ll get to
be more in sync with the way God designed relationships to work in the
first place.
Okay, let’s move on to your good questions.
First, how do you (godly young man) find a girl? What, in other
words, should you be looking for?
Well (you say) I like this color of hair and eyes and that kind of body and this kind of legs and....
Uh, maybe I should rephrase the question. What qualities in a girl should identify her as a “prospect”?
While
each of you probably has a list that fits your personality, I’m going
to propose a few basics that I think ought to show up somewhere.
1. She should be getting to know God better.
We all meet God in different ways and at different points in our life,
so of course we’re all in different places in our growth toward
becoming what He created us to be. I would suggest that you watch
to see how she responds to truth that is new to her. Is she
willing to change, even if it’s hard, or does she dig in her heels and
resist?
2. She should be open to increasing her femininity.
Again, it’s quite likely she’s been raised in a world that has handed
her a very wrong perspective on womanhood. If she resists
becoming feminine, is it simply because of what she’s been taught, or
is there something stubborn inside her that finds it very distasteful?
3. She should be able (or at least learning) to respond properly to authority.
This is an extension of the above point. Does she seem willing to
follow the existing leadership in her life, including her father, not
only where she sees authentic spiritual strength and masculinity, but
even with less than perfect leaders… because of her trust in God?
4. When you’re with her, you should find yourself becoming more of the man God has called you to be.
Another way to say this is, does she seem attracted to and appreciative
of the true and good parts of you (rather than something counterfeit or
artificial)? As you increasingly devote yourself to God and His
ways, does this appear to bring her greater security and joy?
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